Erotically Charged Romance

Hardware Store Jokes aka Why Emily Isn’t Allowed in Public

By on May 30, 2012 in hardware store jokes, home improvement, random | 192 comments

Remodeling our house means that the husband and I make frequent trips to the hardware store. By frequent, I mean at least weekly. Often daily. Sometimes more (yes, I am actually serious). There is always the need for another size of screws, a new paint color, and another stack of drywall. For us, this means that we might as well deposit our pay checks at Lowes (seriously guys, this would make it a lot faster). For the poor store people, it means they have to put up with the two of us wondering their aisles.

I’m going to tell you a secret. There are people who actually maage to go to the home improvment store and not make dirty jokes. You know how I know this? They are the ones staring at us with expression that says they want to kill us for even thinking such things. But any trip that starts by asking how long the wood needs to be is bound to be hilarious.

I thought I’d give you some of the better ones from this week’s venture:

Husband: I need more screws.
Me: Attempting not to giggle. What about the box we bought yesterday.
Husband: I need longer ones.
Me: When it comes to screwing, size doesn’t matter.
Husband: It does if you’re trying to hit a certain spot.

Me: Points to piece I think we need. What about this one?
Husband: That wood is too soft. We need harder wood.
Me: Maybe you could rub it?

Anyone out there have any good hardware store jokes? Dirty or otherwise?